Archive for direct

13 Common Sentence Starters that Kill Your Independence

It’s the day of our Nation’s independence and celebration abounds. Funny how it takes a holiday to remember that our freedom wasn’t always an entitlement.

We’d long ago been given a beautiful gift of exercising the right to say what we think.  The potential problem is that, far too often, we tend to do exactly that.  Say what we think, instead of saying what would make us sound stronger or more direct. “Aren’t we supposed to say what we think in order to be direct,” you say?  Sure. But hear me out…

Your brain has an inner dialogue that speaks to you long before you choose the words that escape the mouth.  I urge you to consider that some of these initial thoughts/dialogues between you and your brain should stay there, rather than audibly display any doubt, uncertainty or insecurity. By uttering those first fleeting sentence starters, you virtually hand over the control of the conversation to the listener, allowing them the opportunity to accept or dismiss what you’re saying.

To be truly direct is to make an independent statement that is not subject to qualification. Holding back on the weaker sentence starter gives the rest of your message the power it deserves.

In honor of the first 13 colonies who made their direct statements of independence, I offer you a quick list of 13 examples. These sentence starters kill your verbal independence and give the power of your speech to the listener;

  1. If you don’t mind, I’ll….
  2. What I was thinking was…
  3. I’m not sure about this, but…
  4. Don’t you think we could…?
  5. I’m hoping it’s OK to …
  6. Why don’t we try…
  7. Maybe you’ve already thought of this…
  8. I know it sounds strange, but…
  9. For lack of a better option…
  10. I’m wondering if …
  11. May I ask a question? (Just ask it for Pete’s sake)
  12. Anything starting with the words “Well,…” or “Um,…”
  13. Anything starting with the combination of the words “Well,…” and “Um,…”

How often do you find yourself using a weak sentence starter, even though you are clear on what you intend to say?

What is Stealth Communication?

Effective communication should be unencumbered by bullshit or games or difficult temperaments, as so many personality types have a tendency to exercise. It should be a clean, crisp and direct message that cuts right to the point.  Wasting time and effort on “fluff” may make for a great English Lit assignment submission, but it’s not going to serve toward getting your intended message to the receiver in today’s world of Attention Deficit Disorder sufferers, whether you’re writing it or speaking it.

Where, then, do I get the correlation between “communication” and “stealth”?

By Wiki’s definition, the word stealth is a noun meaning;

  1. the attribute or characteristic of acting in secrecy

“Stealth-like” communication, much like an arrow would cut right through the air in one straight path to its directive, is the practice of getting directly to the point with your message.  In fact, the word stealth itself eludes to a sense of “no-nonsense” as if it creeps up on you and before you realize it. You want the person you’re speaking with to get your message without seeing it coming, without anticipating what they THINK you’re going to say, and without formulating a response in their mind before your sentence is out of your mouth. In other words, without all the crap that gets in the way of them understanding what you really meant to say.

Stealth also means;

2. in such a way that the actions are unnoticed or difficult to detect by others

They say that in order to achieve any great change or improvement, practice is the best strategy to making something become a habit.  As with any learned or improved skill, getting better at communication involves the practicing of new techniques.  Using power-phrasing, diffusing difficult people and finding new ways of painting a verbal picture all help people to understand you better… but the extra effort you put into turning these skills into habits should not be what people notice.  The only thing people should notice is that they “get you”, right away, every time.

Additionally,  […and here’s my favorite concept about communication…]  The word “stealth” itself  is such a juxtaposition of terminology in the sense that it’s a word typically used to describe very aggressive or testosterone-driven endeavors.  I think the idea of using it to describe a woman who is unafraid of being strong and powerful is just delicious….equaling the concept of using “assertive” (female) communication techniques rather than aggressive (male) ones.

What does “Stealth Communication” mean to you?