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Micro-Aggression: A New Breed of Bully

While at the latest TriState HRMA dinner meeting, I sat in awe watching the evening’s speaker, Jonathan Segal Esq., flawlessly cover the topic of Systemic Harassment. One of the phrases that stuck out from the crowd was that of “Micro-aggression”. Jonathan went on to explain that this term refers to “a non-legalistic jargon of subtle or indirect harassment”.

It is here that I state the obvious but necessary disclaimer – nothing you read here is to be considered legal advice or endorsements of any kind by Jonathan or his employer.  All are simply my thoughts. In fact, I only mention him because his knowledge on topic was so impressive and his use of the word “micro-aggression” made a professional connection with me …and boy was he funny!

Micro-Aggression: A New Breed of Bully?

The term itself reminds me of the numerous, and unfortunate, times that I’ve heard employees claim to be verbally abused or “bullied”. A topic that I’ve written about and discussed with employees on countless occasions. Micro-aggression indeed.

definition of microaggression

In a world of increasing awareness on harassment related words, actions or intentions, the objective is to recognize and be sensitive to ANY potentially harmful activity…especially while at work.  Not a new concept, but one needing to be discussed in any employer, leadership or workplace capacity.

How often do you find yourself in a conversation with a bully? I’m not talking about someone physically pushing you around – I’m talking about the bully that wounds with words. Pushy abrasive types usually KNOW they’re being a jerk. The dangerous ones are the unintentional bullies that are completely unaware of how much power their words actually wield. They tend to exercise control over conversations by insulting, hurting or belittling the person they’re speaking to, without the intention or the realization that they have. I call them “Bullies by Tongue”…and now, thanks to Jonathan, we know they have an official name in the employee relations industry.

You’re not a micro-aggressive bully are you? It’s important to know how to tell.dont take it seriously

  1. The Disrespectful Bully speaks without thinking. This type of offender often blames (or pretends to) the fact that they’re joking.  They’ll make excuses and rarely take responsibility for hurting someone because, after all, there were “just joking”. A clearly passive-aggressive form of verbally hurting people, this bully might even turn the blame onto to victim, whose pain tends to build as they fall prey to self-doubt.
  2. The Hard of Hearing Bully is the one I get the most complaints about as an HR professional. For some reason, this type seems to think that if they speak AT you rather than WITH you, you’ll hear them more clearly, or perhaps follow their instructions better. Let’s face it, they simply shout with the intent to use intimidation or fear to motivate others.  The longer this bully’s tactics is successful, the more often they’ll use it.
  3. The Helpful Bully actually believes they’re giving sage advice. Off-putting phrases make people uncomfortable and create a negative platform for whatever conversation follows the opening statement. Ask yourself…have you ever started a sentence with these phrases?

• The way I see it…
• Let me tell you something…
• If you were smart, you would…
• You said,…
• That’ll never…

If you find yourself having said ANY of these, find an alternative way to communicate a strong opinion by beginning the sentence with intentional diplomacy and sensitivity.  For detailed examples on why these statements are deemed micro-aggressive (and how to remedy them), make sure to check out Are You a Conversational Bully?

The Discriminatory Bully is the obvious one, but deserves mention. wont teach you to twerkThis type tends to make assumptions of race, color, religious, gender or national origin. Not only does this make for an uncomfortable and hostile work environment, but it’s in direct violation with Title VII of the Civil Rights Act.  So yes, when you hear someone say ,”Can you do this math problem for me; You’re Asian, right?” they are flirting with employment law…whose assumptions are dangerously less than funny. Hard to believe that in this modern day in society, some folks still think that’s being humorous. #ignoranceisnotfunny

 

I hope to leave you with food for thought.  Should you recognize yourself in any of these bullies by tongue,  take an inventory of your communication practices and/or that of your co-workers. Employment law continues to define and defend these serious, even when unassuming, offenses. Become aware of your own messaging without allowing an inner bully to lash out.  You can always invite a professional to speak to your management group.

Increase sensitivity in your workplace communication:
Gossip in the Workplace, Friend or Foe?
Sentence starters that Kill your Independence
What is Stealth Communication?

Is Bad Juju in your Employee Evaluation?

Employee Evaluations. Everyone employed by a company has either got to give them or receive them at one point or another. Unless, of course, you work for yourself…in which case, count your blessings, whisper a positive mantra and then share this with a friend who may find it useful.

smiley faces

By definition, an evaluation is a “systematic determination of a subject’s merit, worth and significance, using criteria governed by a set of standards”. All of these terms – “merit”, “worth”, “significance”…hell, even “standards” are generally positive indicators. Why is it that the mere thought of being evaluated makes people nervous? In my humble opinion, I believe we all fear hearing the BAD news on how we don’t quite measure up. Some folks avoid these potentially awkward conversations altogether….but then, how will we ever know what to improve on, or where our potentials exist? If you’re the boss, how will your employee know what you expect of them and what tools they’ll be offered to meet your expectations?

Let’s break the myth that there is need for concern, whether giving or receiving an evaluation. Turn the bad juju into good.

Positive feedback is an essential part of any successful career or growth opportunity. It’s a way of staying on track with good behavior, and learning to redirect the not-so-good behavior. Without feedback, many people may not know that their work is sub-par, but more importantly, they may not know HOW to achieve a different outcome.

What are your Evaluation Communication Goals?emp-evaluation stick figure

  • To identify and record areas for improvement in performance & productivity
  • To uncover training and development needs
  • To provide corrective or constructive feedback
  • To set realistic and achievable goals
  • To rate or track the progress made (or lack thereof)

 

Watch out for these Evaluation Errors

  1. Bias: When your values, beliefs or prejudices distort the ratings you give or the opinion you have. It’s important to assess the performance, not the person.
  2. The Halo Effect: Halo error occurs when the employee is great at one area, but is rated similarly for all other areas, even when the other areas are not as strong.
  3. The Horn Effect: This means that you might focus on one area of weakness and assess other areas more harshly than if they stood alone. This error may throw off the overall results.
  4. Leniency or Strictness: These errors occur when either no low scores are given, skewing the results to be falsely positive or exaggerated (leniency) or when no high ratings are given and true achievements are overlooked (strictness).
  5. Primacy or Recency: Primacy happens when more focus is given to someone’s earlier performances, let’s say at the beginning of the year, while overlooking a change in certain areas since then. The opposite occurs in Recency when you base your assessment on activity from the last month or so, without considering the big picture performance.
  6. Central Tendency: This error occurs when you rate all employees within a narrow range, perhaps a middle of the road score, regardless of what the actual performance should rate.

Guidelines for Giving Feedback

As with any verbal or written communication, we should always be sensitive to sending an accurate message in a way that will be best received. This requires one part empathic truth and three parts positive twist.

  • Describe the performance, don’t judge it.
  • Assume the attitude of helpfulness, not domination.
  • Empathize; listen with an open mind.
  • Give specific examples of good/positive performance. Don’t be general, don’t be vague.
  • Stick to the facts, not your opinion.

Positive Power Phrases to Use

  • You did great on these items. Let’s take a closer look at…
  • Can you help me understand why ___.?
  • You’ve reached your latest goal of __ AND [instead of but] we want to add these next level goals.
  • I might have done it differently. Can you show me how you’ve worked on ___?
  • How can I help you tackle this challenge?
  • What do you need from me to achieve these goals?

Warning Signs that Your Evaluations Stink

In giving staff/employee evaluations, one has to remember that your role as a leader/supervisor is to assist the employee to reach successful levels. To achieve this, your feedback is required all year round, not just once a year (or less frequently). Without thinking of the evaluation as a tool, or a Cheat Sheet for Success, you may find yourself facing these types of results;

  • Your employee is shocked and awed by their results and didn’t see it coming.
  • Ratings are all the same with no change from one to the next.
  • Great employees receive same ratings as those that lack in performance.
  • Employees who are terminated had recently received good, or even average, ratings.
  • Productivity goes DOWN after an evaluation period. Constructive and achievable feedback should have an improving effect.
  • Someone runs crying from your office (okay…this one’s obvious for humor’s sake)

The bottom line is that most folks get a bad vibe at the thought of being evaluated because they expect, or even fear, a negative result. An effective communicator can turn bad juju into good by practicing the intention and structure that it takes to guide others toward success.

Want to be a better communicator? You may be interested in these other topics:

8 Ways to Talk to Difficult People

Shut Your Pie Hole: A Lesson in Listening

Are You A Conversational Bully?